Tony Randel: Living in truth with pride while giving back
New Jersey resident and Long Island native Tony Randel lives a typical bachelor life. He stands 5 foot 10 inches, weighs 265 pounds, lifts weights and works out four times a week to keep up his muscular build, works as a relationship banker, wears suits, and enjoys traveling and socializing.
He’s also openly gay.
Living the life of a typical man in the city, Randel, like many gay men, does not exhibit the appearance or mannerisms of what most might perceive as the stereotypically gay man. He’s very honest about who he is.
Randel lives his life out and proud at 54, using his social media influence to foster an inclusive environment and also give back. While people often think of social media influencers as younger individuals, Randel started in middle age. More than 20,000 people follow his Instagram account, @randeltoney.
In an interview with the AmNews, Randel said LGBT Pride to him means simply being unashamed of who you are.
“This is me,” he said. “Pride means I chose not to be in the closet. I choose to live my life the way I feel most comfortable living it, and who I’m attracted to shouldn’t matter.”
However, living his life as an openly gay man wasn’t always the case for Randel. He said his journey has not been without some bumps along the way. His journey toward living in his truth began in college when he came to terms with his sexuality.
“When I was in school, I started to feel different,” he said. “I felt like I was in love with this one guy. We were always together and I had a big crush on him but he was straight and I had a girlfriend at the time. I never came on to him or anything like that.”
Randel said he came to the realization at that time that he was attracted to men and began to explore that when he moved out of parents’ house and into his own apartment at age 27.
“I wanted to better understand if it was something I liked or didn’t like,” he said.
It wasn’t until he read an article in The Source magazine about gay hip-hop culture where he saw a listing of gay clubs in New York that played hip-hop music. A club he’d previously attended that was mentioned in the article had a gay night he was unaware of. He attended and said the experience changed his life.
“They were playing hip-hop and there were men in there dancing who looked like me,” he said. “It just blew my mind. At that moment I realized I might be gay.”
That night he met several people, including a few he’s been lifelong friends with. At this point, Randel considered himself bisexual. It was a relationship with a man that sealed the deal about his true identity.
“I was in love with this guy and we stayed together for three years,” he said. “I realized that I was a gay man.”
Upon realizing who he really was, a year later, he came out to his mother. He didn’t tell his now-deceased father until he was in his 40s.
“She asked me if I was gay,” he said. “I had a birthday party she attended and there were a lot of guys there. By that time she knew something was up. I was avoiding her for a long time because I didn’t want to lie to her. She asked me if I was gay and I said no, and told her I was bisexual. She started crying and I started crying. She said it was okay and told me I was grown and I needed to live my life. At first, she gave me little pushback, but after a while she was cool.”
Today, Randal juggles his career in banking with his life as a social media influencer and model. He decided to try it in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic after seeing Liam Neeson, who was 68 years old at the time, in a movie.
“It just clicked in my head. If this guy can be an action movie star at 68 years old, I can be a model at 50 years old,” he said. “Instagram was basic to me, so I started scrolling to see what other people were doing.”
At the advice of another influencer, Randel did a photo shoot in South Florida. He posted the photos on social media and started building his followers. He even got a brief modeling deal and also appeared on a gay dating reality show. Once Reels came out on Instagram, Randel started creating short videos of himself, and with every video, more followers came. He was soon able to profit from the popularity of his reels.
Because of his large build, Randel is popular in what is known as the bear community, a subculture of gay men who are plus-sized. He eventually received a pageant title as Mr. Fire Island Bear in 2022. Randel said the community is not diverse, limiting the spaces plus-sized Black can meet and socialize. He hosts a monthly party at a gay bar in Chelsea.
“I started it because I felt like there was something missing in the community,” he said. “Black men are part of the bear community. We should be seen.”
Along with providing a space for plus-sized Black men, Randel also incorporates community givebacks. Several of his parties are also charity and food drives where he collects donations from attendees and gives the proceeds to local non-profit organizations. His most popular event is a Thanksgiving food drive. Randel also organized a team for this year’s AIDS Walk.
In a world where many Black gay and bisexual men continue to live on the “down low” due to shame, Randel says that being your true self is the best way to live—but admits it’s not easy.
“People will try you and give you a certain attitude. The alternative is making up fake girlfriends and things like that,” he said. “I used to do that because I didn’t want to be out at work. You have to have a level of confidence to be out. It’s not easy for someone like me who is straight-presenting. I don’t knock anyone who’s in the closet, but I don’t like the down-low stuff.”
As far as what’s ahead for Randal, he plans to continue hosting his social events, giving back as much as he can, and continuing to grow his social media following to pursue his modeling career.
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